And this little piggy went, "Wii, Wii, Wii!" all the way home.

I've realized something about myself lately, so there are a few things I have to say.

Hello, my name is Todd... and I'm a Wiiaholic. You may be thinking, "Wiiaholic isn't a word, and besides, are you saying, Todd, that you're addicted to Wiiahol? That's not a real thing either, moron!" You're right, but the fact remains: I have a problem, and I believe I need to admit it. That's the first step, you know.

Ever since we've gotten a Wii, too much of my time has been spent doing silly things in the name of entertainment. I've created a rather shabby on-screen approximation of myself (a Mii), played virtual tennis and bowling (in which I display much more competence than in their real-world counterparts), guided Italian plumbers around unconventional racetracks, and slashed at large man-eating plants with a sword-wielding elf in a green nightcap. I've been having fun, yes, but it has got to stop. It's not to say that I was any more productive pre-Wii, but it seems like my free time had a little more variety. I used to read more, write more, listen to new and interesting music, climb mountains, save small countries from impending doom, meet with world leaders, and direct award-winning movies. Okay, some of those things were not done in my leisure time. Instead, more than the socially acceptable amount of time is spent finding additional heart containers and perfecting my virtual backhand.

I'm sure that I'm not the only one detrimentally affected by the little, cute, affordable, time-wasting, brain-frying, white box of evil from Japan, known by the nonsensical name, "Wii". With Americans buying these things as fast as they hit the shelves, it's just a matter of time before western society as we know it totally falls apart. Terrorism, rising oil prices, falling dollar value, bird flu, weapons of mass destruction, global warming hysteria, steroid-crazed athletes, party politics, and American Idol -- each of these things pose a legitimate threat to national security and our way of life, yet none of them are as insidious or as infectious as the apparently harmless Wii. It's not just fun; it's too fun. I'm sure that's what "they" intended...

Anyone wanna play?