I find it humorous, in this age of The Rising Cost of Everything, that it seems that everyone has a solution for everybody else's financial woes. Everyone has some innovation, some process, that will build almost-sudden wealth when properly applied. Don't misunderstand me; there are valid ways to become financially independent through hard work and discipline (e.g. the kind of advice given by Clark Howard, Dave Ramsey, etc.). I am amused, though, by the other golden nuggets of financial "wisdom" that are handed down from the ivory towers of those who attained wealth without a life-long regimen of working hard and controlled spending. The loving condescension they show to the average Joe is sometimes laughable.
Take, for example, the advice that I heard several weeks ago on talk radio. The host said, "The best thing to do in this economy [bad economy is implied], is to get out of debt. If you currently have debt, pay it off." Wow! Really?! That is the most amazing, life-changing thing I've ever heard! Finally, I know what to do with that huge pile of cash in the spare room! Sure, becoming debt-free is a goal of mine, but it's not something that I can accomplish tomorrow, next year, or probably even ten years from now. I'm sure, though, that it is easy for those that have national television and/or radio programs who have huge ad revenue checks coming in the door every day, but that isn't me. I mean, have you seen me or heard me talk?
I've also been instructed to "Buy gold, because that's the only sure way to protect your money" and "Invest in foreign currencies and various commodities, like oil and grain." Epiphany! Manna from Heaven! Seriously, how much gold should I buy to protect myself? Last time I checked, gold was around a thousand dollars an ounce. Hmm... That means that I might be able to comfortably buy, uh, two ounces. Short of total economic failure, this option isn't going to do me any good. Even if things got that bad (imagine a Mad Max-like scenario), how valuable will a couple ounces of shiny metal be? As far as the foreign currencies, oil, and grain are concerned, I'd have to buy an awful lot, and the price would have to skyrocket for me to make any significant financial gains.
It's after hearing all of this expert counsel, that I have come to the following conclusion. There are only three proven ways to become rich quickly:
1. Win the lottery. If you do this, please watch out for the lightning bolts and space junk headed your way. Also, don't ever fly on an airplane again.
2. Become famous. How you go about this is up to you, but once you get there, the money never runs out. If you're ever again strapped for cash, you can always be on Hollywood Squares, Celebrity Apprentice, The Surreal Life, or write a scandalous tell-all book. Which leads me to...
3. Write a book, or star in a DVD series, about how to build instant wealth. The actual money-making method that you preach isn't important. It's not about your followers becoming rich; you're getting rich on their hopes of quick, no-risk, gargantuan profits.
No thank you, I'll just keep making money the old-fashioned way. Come to think of it, there may be a fourth way to build wealth. Why don't you send me a small, one-time payment of $999 to my PayPal account? If you do, I'll tell you the secret to becoming obscenely rich in just two days! That's right, two days!
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