Love

What is love? Well, one definition I've heard is that, "Love means never having to say you're sorry." Really? Who comes up with schmaltzy garbage like this? I guess we're supposed to accept this sappy statement as true, without scrutinizing the underlying logic. I would think the opposite would be more accurate, "Love means always having to say you're sorry." If the original statement was true, then you would probably hear yourself occasionally say something like, "I just love you so much, that I understand why you felt it necessary to cut my arm off and feed it to the dog... and I'm okay with that. No apology necessary." I mean, relationships can already be confusing and frustrating on occasion, even with the vital "I'm sorry" component still in place. Imagine what chaos would result from the removal of accountability to the other person in the relationship, "Well she says she loves me, but she's always trying to poison me... Still, I love her, so I'll continue to eat whatever she gives me. I'm sure she has a good reason." Hopefully it's clear that love doesn't mean never saying you're sorry; though admittedly in the aforementioned example, hearing "I'm sorry, honey. I poisoned you," doesn't really make things much better, either.

There was a popular song from my childhood that said, "Love is a battlefield" (I just looked it up, it's from Pat Benatar, 1983). Are we referring to a Napoleonic battlefield, with cavalry, cannons, and such; or are we talking about a World War I battlefield with trenches, poison gas, and a no-man's-land? I don't know what kind of love she's singing about, but I haven't ever been concerned about having to move my heavy artillery to the rear of the relationship to avoid getting flanked by my wife's tank battalion. So, obviously this definition is just silly.

So, again, what is love? Some fellow Sunday school attendees would probably quote that "God is love" (1 John 4:16). Logically, one could substitute "love" for "God" in the statement above, and end up with the equation: love = love. Hmmm... That really doesn't get us anywhere, does it?

Maybe instead of trying to define love, we should examine its qualities. The Beatles sang, "All you need is love... Love is all you need," but apparently they weren't considering other essentials like oxygen, water, and food. You've undoubtedly heard "Love is a many-splendored thing" (which somehow was the title of a novel, two songs, a film, and a TV show), but the meaning of that statement isn't immediately obvious. According to a quick investigation into the definition of "splendored", it appears that it isn't a real word. Strike one. The real word is "splendorous". The meaning of splendorous is "having great luster or brilliance, shiny, or excellent". So, love is a many-shiny thing, or love is a many-excellent thing? Strike two. Let's rephrase it and say that "Love is a very beautiful, magnificent thing". Well, that is true, but it doesn't exactly define it or set it apart from say, a pretty sunset over the ocean or a well-crafted sandwich. You're out!

Perhaps we should try to define love by a word that seems to always be associated with love, "unrequited". "Unrequited" apparently can't go anywhere without "love" in tow. Unrequited means "not reciprocated or returned in kind". It seems like "unrequited" could and should apply to other things, too, since very few words in the English language have only one application. For instance, have you ever bought a nice dinner for a friend, only to be repaid later with an overcooked, gas-station-hotdog-like substance on a stale bun? You just experienced unrequited food. Yep, "unrequited" is usually synonymous with "bad".

When it comes to love, though, "unrequited" is not necessarily a bad thing. Yeah, there was probably at least one time in your life when you loved someone who didn't love you back, and it hurt. Truth is, that "love" was probably just a crush or an obsession. True love, on the other hand, is a conscious, unconditional commitment to a person. True love is caring for those who don't love us. True love persists when it's not convenient, exciting, or comfortable. True love is giving even when we are certain that what we receive in return won't measure up. God constantly shows us true love, and gets little in return. He experiences unrequited love constantly, yet He keeps dishing out the real thing in abundance. You see, without unrequited love, we wouldn't be able to see the magnitude of God's love for us. We should strive to follow His Example!